Jewelle Tan Personally

When I tell others that I get my kids ready to be in bed by 8 pm, the usual reactions would be “Why so early? or “Let them play a while more!”.

And when I hear parents who say “They will sleep when they are sleepy” and whose small kids stay up beyond 10 pm or even more interesting, as one parent told me, “Sometimes we sleep earlier than him (their 4 years old son)”, I can only say that these parents must have tremendous amount of patience - which I clearly do NOT have!

Because although it’s supposedly good to get kids to sleep no later than 8pm, my kids are sent to bed early more for my sanity.

We’ve trained Eu (4 years old now) since she was a few months old and Qi (2 years old now) since she was born that by 8 pm, it is bedtime. It used to be as early as 5pm for Qi when she was an infant but we’ve adjusted the time gradually as they grew older.

And if you’re one of those who’d ask me “WHY!” - here’s my reasons.

Peace Time For ME

I try to go to bed no later than 11 pm and having a few hours to myself when they are in bed is a godsend.

I cannot imagine how some working moms do it - coming back from a full day work and having to endure several more hours of chaos before they can have some peace and quiet.

Peace Time For My SPOUSE

It is only fair that my husband should get a few hours at home to relax after he comes back from work - after a reasonable time spent with the kids of course. And this is even more important if he works in a stressful environment.

I do know of some non-working wives who think that as soon as their husbands are home from work, they should look after the kids - when they could just be sent to bed and get everyone the rest that they deserve.

Peace Time For US

Perhaps because we are careful with what to say to each other when we’re around the kids that we look forward to the few hours at the end of the day when it’s just the two of us and we can let our guards down.

We can chat, tell naughty jokes, discuss or even argue without being judged by the kids.

Or being able to enjoy the silence as we sit and read together.

Or having the luxury of eating midnight supper without a “Can I have some!” by one of the kids.

Of course, different parents have different standard to what is a healthy family environment.

This post is not to judge parents whose idea of suitable bedtime for small kids is opposite to ours - we as parents make our own decisions on what is right or wrong and important or irrelevant that are right for our lifestyle and personality.

This post is meant to share, from our own personal perspectives, that if parents can train their kids to sleep early, it is actually good the parents themselves.

It’s true what they say. You will not appreciate a mother as much as you should - until you become one yourself.

Being children, we can be selfish. We think that it’s her job to look after us. That it’s her duties to care for us. That her life must revolve around only us.

We forget the she had a whole life before her children.

We are ignorant of her personal dreams.

We chose not to know that there could actually be other things she rather do.

That once a woman becomes a mother, not even once will she miss the life that she had before her children came along. That if she has to work, knowing how to manage her time will come naturally.

That being mentally, emotionally and physically tired is just part of the “job” and that she will deal with it happily.

And that she will never ever, not even for a split-second, question “WHY?”.

When her babies kept her awake. When her toddlers tested her patience. When her teenagers insisted that they knew better. Or when her adult children found it necessary to lead their own lives away from her.

Why - when she endured physical and emotional hardships for them.

I know now that Mother’s Day is not simply a day to show our gratitude. It is also a day to remember that she changed her lives and sacrificed her dreams for her children.

And I finally understood that my main job as a child is not to let her regret it.

A few days ago I read one statement from the Brunei Tourism Development Department Director from the local paper.

“Mass tourism is not our target”

I could not give you the link to this news as for some reason, I could not find it anywhere online. The strangest thing is, while you could google the phrase, none of the search result will give you the actual article. It’s as if it has been deleted - try it and let me know if you found the article.

But this statement struck me as even common sense would tell anyone that those establishments which have had to spent tons of money to keep themselves afloat - with hotels occupancy rates averaging at only 50% in 2007 - could not be very happy to be told that having too many tourists are not in the country’s interest.

It’s also not helping when only B$1 mil is allocated to tourism development!

To give you some idea of how much (or how little) that is, last year some B$50 mil were allocated to re-surface roads which could not be more than 50km in distance. In short, B$1 mil = re-surface 1km of road.

What hope does our tourism industry have then?

On a lighter note, ONE of the result of having a bigger tourism budget (Sabah allocated RM12 mils for 2008) is that we get spectacular cultural showcase which impresses not only foreign travellers who are lucky to be in Sabah right now.

But which pleases even Sabahan such as myself who wish that I could be home to witness the myriad of sounds and colours that Sabah Fest always brings.

One of the performance at the Sabah Fest Cultural Show (Image by Caneeliea)

Courtesy of my sister who attended the Sabah Fest Cultural Show at the Magellan Sutera Hotel, here are more pictures of the colourful extravaganza - Part 2 & Part 3.

The only thing missing is the music and having attended such shows before, I can assure you that these are the kind of shows which you cannot miss if you are in Sabah.

It’s 4 more days before the voting for Simpur’s Best Bruneian Blog is over.

I thought I’d give those of you who are not in Brunei some info on what this is all about and share what I think about each of them.

One of the first Brunei blog I know was AnakBrunei (Best Photoblog), owned by arguably the most famous big guy in Brunei. I enjoy his people shots and it’s fun to try and spot familiar faces. Although we move in very different society, there have been some faces captured by him which I recognized - which means either one; Brunei population is really that small or he have really photographed that many people!

RanoAdidas (WildCard Blog) was the next finalist which I read since my early days of blogging. Whenever you feel like there is nothing happening in Brunei, you just head over to his place for the many public and private events and functions in the country - and the burning question for us at home for us is, does-he or does-he-not have assistants to cover all those events!

Kurapak (Best Local Content Blog) is the place where I’ve picked up a few Brunei Malay lingo - excellent place to polish or corrupt your Malay (depending on if you’re a beginner or a native speaker…) There are few pictures here but his posts are outrageously funny and original - they’re classic.

I came to know of the ArabFamilies (Best Specialty Blog) when he sponsored the first Belait district Blogger’s Meet in 2008 which I missed but from what I read, had the very intriguing session of dancing to gambus music! As his blogname indicates, he shares the many happenings in his very large and lively family.

Besides photography, yoga and scrapbooking - which I find are some of the common subjects blogged by Bruneians - fishing is also another popular activity and when it comes to a fishing blog, BruneiFishing (Best Lifestyle Blog) seems to be the most popular. I’m not a fishing fan but it’s a good place to see what kind of fish there are in our water.

Now the final blog which I want to share with you is the Spiritual Garden (Best Personal Blog).

I cannot remember when and how I found one of Brunei’s most creative and funniest teacher but I was hooked from the very first post that I read. She talks about relationship and do a lot of arts & craft and I have been inspired to try some yet it’s hard as I have none of her patience and creativity.

But it’s her ability to write very funny postings that I love about her. I like the way she sprinkles some Malay and Hokkien expressions and make her posts very very natural and hilarious.

So which is my personal choice for the Best Bruneian Blog?

I am a fan of many of these blogs and I frequent these on a daily basis. All of them are really worthy winners in their category and it is hard for me to pick ONLY ONE - the blog that has done a lot for the community or the blog that makes me laugh or the blog that taught me things?

Why don’t you (especially non-Bruneian) check out these popular Bruneian blogs and cast your votes too?

Eu has been going to school for more than 4 months now.

It has been interesting for us at home to hear her adventures of learning new things from school - from new words to many new songs which Qi picks up instantly. Let’s just put it this way, there are that much singing at home courtesy of the songs that Eu learnt from school that even their Ah Mah (grandmother) can sing some of their songs.

Her Mandarin has improved tremendously too and although I can understand some basic everyday Mandarin, there has been one occasion when she said something to me and I had to ask her to translate. My husband’s warning that I will soon be lost when my kids start speaking more Mandarin is fast coming true.

But I am in a way luckier than some of the other parents who have nil Chinese background and knows not a word of Mandarin and yet have their kids in a school where Chinese language is dominant.

At least for me, I learn a new word every few months or years judging from my how much I understand Mandarin and I’m sure I will never be that clueless. Unless Eu and Qi learn to converse in poetic Mandarin in which case even their father would be lost, I’m sure!

And 4 months along, I noticed that these few kids still shy away from the rest of the Chinese speaking students including Eu and I wonder what is it like in class for them.

I wondered because I have a cousin who comes from a non-Mandarin speaking household and his first few years in a Chinese school was a funny family story - he would regularly run out from his class. He now speaks passable Mandarin and my aunt is having second thought about having all her kids in a Chinese school as they have began to talk in Mandarin around her.

And I have another cousin who has not an ounce of Chinese blood and yet has mastered the language so well that she won an award as the best speaker in a statewide debate competition in Mandarin some time ago.

So I will not be surprised if these few students who now communicate with Eu with a combination of body languages and face expressions, might even speak the language better than her in a few years.

This will be an interesting thing to watch.